anecdotes

I think my best friend is the funniest person I know. She may be the next Chelsea Handler, but brunette and not Jewish. I've told her I'll be her Chuy, because I'm short and can just sit on the side and laugh at her. I've decided to share our personal conversations with you so that you can get a little laughter, too. And so that I can make her famous one day.

*Ladies and gentlemen: the stories you are about to hear are true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Salem

Dear DJ,
So I picked up a smelly cat today on my run and adopted it. Salem October-Sunday. So I put food out for it and I go to check on it tonight and there was a roach eating its food...a nasty ass roach...ugh! creepies! So I tried to shoo the roach and it CHARGED me. I was literally running backwards on my porch from a nasty ass mean roach.

Anything that crawls on all fours and does not have fur or a diaper needs to die. Especially if it has wings AND crawls. Salem just watched the roach try to attack me. We had a long talk after that. If it flies, it dies. If it crawls, it falls. Salem understands that her rent is not free.

Salem is awesome because she is like a dog and follows me everywhere. On the other hand, she thinks she is a dog and tries to sneak into the house. Until you bark and stop shedding, you're not allowed indoors. No pity for the kitty.

SALEM OCTOBER-SUNDAY HAS SINCE PASSED ONTO TO KITTY HEAVEN. REST IN PEACE.
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