Wear Pants

Dear DJ,
So I have told you before that I only shave on the regular from about April until October because I am usually in shorts or a sundress. From November to February I'm usually in tights or pants so the only shave worthy thing in those months is sex.

I'm not a blondie that can go three weeks without shaving before someone tries to shoot and stuff me. Deforestation is a small price to pay for being Italian but none the less a pain in the ass. So as previously stated it's the month of February, and the last time I shaved was about a week ago. Last Thursday to be exact because I was going to see my boyfriend...you can fill in the blanks. Anyways so I am getting dressed for school this morning and I believe at the time I had maybe heard on the news that I was kind of watching while playing on facebook that it was supposed to warm up today. So I decide to wear a skirt. The thought of my unkempt legs crosses my mind briefly, but then I think no one will notice that my legs look strikingly like Yellowstone National Park after a forest fire (did I mention how ashy my legs were from the pool chlorine..)

So I get outside. Freezing. Great. Skirt and Sperrys were a great choice. Go to work mind my business all day. No one tries to hunt me down so I think this is all good. Then the end of lunch bell rings. Here comes third period. Big, loud, ass clowns. Every kid in that class has a personality (not always good). My most loved and most hated class of all time. Enter Student, John*: 6'3 220-something offensive lineman that quotes Will Ferrell movies all day. John is also one of those students who has yet to complete one project in my class yet still manages to con me into giving him points for doing things like organizing by desk drawer or handing me a paintbrush.

As per usual, John is not doing his work, he has decided to take a seat next to my desk and just hound me with stupid questions and beg me to watch his football highlight video he put on YouTube. Really? Mid-conversation I see John's eyes go to no-man's land. Yep, straight to the legs. I thought maybe he was checking them out until I saw the horror on his face.

John: Oh my God. You need to shave.

Me: I know I've been.. (interrupted)

John: Wear Pants.

Me: O (and before I can get the "K"-I get it" out..)

John: Wear Pants. (pause) Do you want to switch bottoms?

John: You need to be wearing pants. I am more fit to wear that skirt right now.

Then THANK GOD, having the attention span of a cocker spaniel he was distracted by another student who was "Moving Like Bernie." (I wish that was made up, but it's not) So again... if you haven't learned from love lost at the orthopedic surgeon's office or repulsing an 18 year old boy who talks about farting all day... Shave your legs.